I spend a lot of time bitching about UC, but it's Spring, which means I love the whole world--even my overpriced party school.

My favorite part about going to a large state school is the ever-present swarm of people. More than that, it is the ever present swarm of people that are in flux. By this, I mean that most students aren't quite adults yet. They're still bouncing around trying to find someway to define themselves, but mostly, they haven't been hammered into a banal, expected existence. Someone wearing a funny hat on a city street draws attention and are somehow considered inappropriate. Here, the guys walking around in full fur suits barely get a second glance. Today, the following things were happening on campus, simultaneously, in the same quad:

The tri-delts (Delta Delta Delta) continue to live up to their reputation as the campus sexpots. They were out in full force this afternoon, tanning in their itty-bitty bikinis--sorority emblem emblazoned blanket and all. There is something remarkably satisfying in seeing people so comfortable in their own skin, and so accustomed to basking in the whistles and oggles of passer-bys.

Across the sidewalk from them was the SCA and Medieval club tents. Fully costumed women and men were making chainmail and doing boffer demonstrations. There was no apparent enmity between the two groups, both just went about their business.
* The medieval club and SCA are hosting chainmail and boffer demonstrations

On the McMicken-right side of the quad there was a clunker of a car (even sadder than Gordon's Little Timmy) and a sledgehammer. Boys were taking turns destroying the car with their awesome blunt weapon, and were obviously very happy to be doing so. There was quite a collection of primordial whoops and screams of victory. I didn't get close enough to see which Frat was hosting it, but the car-bash was a "Rush X" incentive.

While technically they were on the pavement, not on the quad, PAC (the programs and activities council) had a booth and microphone set up and were doing karaoke at 1:30 in the afternoon.

The last bit really deserves a post of its own, but the entire McMicken-left section of the quad is taken up by UC's "Solar House." It is a joint project between the engineering and architecture programs in which they made an entirely green house to enter into the annual international 'living green' challenge. I walked through it, and its awesome, but I want to be able to say more about it. On Thursday Ill go ask one of the engineers staffing it about the whole thing and will give more details. =)

Enjoy the sunshine folks!

P.S. My ipod means that I can instantly give moments in my life a soundtrack as they happen.

This is a triumph. Im making a note here: huge success.

I'm back to loving school. Spring quarter promises to be full of awesomely manageable workloads as well as plenty of new texts. I love new texts.

I have plenty more to write, but now Im off to go have coffee with one of my profs. More later!

I walked into a Rothko painting today. The restrooms on the 6th floor of Langsam Library--I had never gone in them before. The walls, the floor, the ceiling--everything is a bright, bright orange tile. The lighting is old and yellow, and I was overwhelmed and swallowed up. It was a Rothko painting, and I was inside of it. I just stood there for awhile, trying to catch my breath.

I am not grounded. I still haven't painted my apple and Im afraid things like this are going to keep happening until I do.

-----

Happy birthday Kyle. Theres are so many reasons to celebrate you, but they're all too personal to list here. I love you, and I love your role in my life.

Very shortly I will have spent 20 out of the last 24 hours doing homework. Today I have read a play, written 2 papers, read three chapters of philosophy, did an hour and a half long worksheet for lit studies and am currently writing a third paper.

Please, please, somebody make this quarter end. I want sleep more than chocolate, more than sex, even more than a 4.0. I have 5 hours until my first class of the day--theres nothing wrong with functioning solely on espresso, right?

P.S. --My S&M themed essay was a success! Three cheers for turning classic American heroines into sexual deviants!

Some day, some day I will sleep on either Monday or Wednesday night. These are the nights Im supposed to go to bed early, because I have to be at the bus stop at freakin' 6:30 in the goddamn. For the past, oh, four weeks I have not been able to go to sleep on either of those nights. I always have too much last minute homework to do.

Last night/this morning my ass didn't move from my computer chair until now. I was writing the naughtiest paper known to man (the title is "Freedom to Suffer: An In-depth Examination of Isabel's Obsession with Dominion and Pain")and I can only hope that something ridiculous didn't slip past me and make it into my final version. So I havent so much as closed my eyes... yeah, today is gonna be tricky.

Wish me luck!

Love,
Elf

P.S. -Henry James' "Portrait of a Lady" really is just an elaborate and subtle commentary on BDSM, right? RIGHT? *panics*

Happy New Year everyone! I realize that New Years is an opportunity to be drunken with friends, for awesome dancing and often inappropriate kissing at midnight, and thats totally awesome! However, I tend to treat New Years like Yom Kippur--everything becomes about reflection, thanks, and regret. This isn't the stuff I generally post about, or even talk with friends about, but its New Years and for me that means one day a year when I'm open and transparent.



My New Years Resolution:
It isnt anything huge, because to be honest, if there are huge wrong things in my life Im going to fix them when they come up. Ive done a pretty good job this year, and Im proud of myself for that. its been fucking hard--between my mother's surgery, Tait running away, my grandmothers death--its been a long, hard year. However, its still managed to be good and I've been good in it. I feel accomplished and triumphant about that. =)

So what small thing can I stick to that will improve my quality of life? I'm going to stay organized the entirety of Winter quarter. No forgetting about assignments and then killing myself to get them finished and polished in time. No scrambling with slips of paper to remember when Im having lunch with who. I will be organized and my life will be easier because of it!

I love you all and do wish you the best!

-Missy

P.S.  ellll fiiiiiive aaaaaar

I was supposed to write a love letter to Dr. Faustus in which I praised him for his simultaneous hubris and generosity, but Christmas happened and now I feel compelled to hop on the "talk about awesome gifts" bandwagon. However, I feel like Im half-fulfilling my post pledge because I am cheery and not angry about anything. Progress! *squee*

First, awesome things which I received:

Laptop!!! Oh man, laptop is awesome. I have never been a fan of naming inanimate objects (except for stuffed animals, and those are hardly inanimate), but I feel such genuine affection for my laptop that I just might. It has 2 gigs of ram, a shiny processor, and a video card which runs WoW. *cackles* School? You just became sooo much easier.

Programmable coffee pot! It is shiny and like something from the space age. I am not terribly good with all of its features yet, but that is because I was too busy playing with my laptop to do more than wave my hand at it and whine in David's general direction until he brought me coffee from its sweet sweet depths.

www.coffeefool.com --oh man, as tongue and cheek as the front page is, I suddenly believe every word of what they're telling me. I have never, ever, ever had coffee like this. It takes like sunshine, if sunshine knew how to angrily (and oddly soothingly) beat the shit out of morning grogginess. I have a whole vasriety pack from them and Im happier than I could possibly express.

Harry and David Royal Riviera Pears: Beth and John (Gordie's parents) sent these to David and I and I nearly cried when I saw the box. They were like peaches of immortality, if those peaches were pears *shifty eyes*

Magnetic dry erase calendar and board: They are giant! And awesome! I can write appointments and todo lists and reminders about papers and meetings and birthdays and and and... I like organizational things. Shut up. *pout*

Netta: Netta being here is pretty much present number one. We've had quite a bit of time to sit and chat and talk about all sorts of things. Why do I not know more women like Netta? You know, ones that are not generally across an ocean from me. =(

There are oodles of other awesome things, but Kyle is on his way over so this will have to be a two parter. Next one will be the much cooler half in which I talk about awesome things that I gave. (My favorite gift I gave this year was a copy of the Silver Spoon to Netta and Gordon).

Merry Christmas everyone! And Maggie, those goggles are perhaps the coolest thing Ive ever seen. ;)

Okay, that isn't quite true, but it does give you an idea of exactly how... frustrated? despairing? disappointed? I don't know the right word here to explain how I'm feeling.

It had been a good day. My classroom discussion on Faustus was full of smart people, witty comments, and incredible discourse. I was a very happy Missy! Then I went to TUC and got myself some tasty lunch. Now I rarely ever have the time to eat lunch, so this was kind of a luxury and I was bouncy, making life even better.

However, other people exist. The table behind me was filled with four women. Now, I don't know if they belong to a sorority, but thats definitely the image that springs to mind and the more I heard their discussion, the more I hated women. I have no idea how I can consider myself such a feminist and hate women so much. 

Here are some snippets:
"Oh my god, theres no new Grey's Anatomy tonight!"
"...why not?"
"Havent you heard, the writers are on strike."
"What does that mean?"
"You know, when the unions stop working and start picketing."
"Are they allowed to DO that?"
"Uh, yeah."
"Well why are they striking?"
"I don't know, its some union trick to punish companies."
(insert my brief moment of hope as one of them actually displays some sort of knowledge) "No. They aren't getting paid for their internet stuff, thats why they won't write any more."
(insert that hope being shattered) "Well it seems really petty to stop doing your job just because you're angry at your boss. If they have a problem with it, they should find a new job. Seriously, why do they think people will let them get away with this? It's not our job to care if they're happy--why should we have to suffer for their temper tantrum? Thats the problem with unions--they just want everything handed to them."
There was a general consensus about this.
----
"Well, its like a pre-engagement ring."
"OoooOOooo! How did you get him to do that?"
"I stopped having sex with him until he COMMITTED to me."
"I know, boys always say they love you, but girls need something physical to know for sure. If you don't say it with gold, you don't mean it."
"Well, he bought me the jewelry, but I was reading through his e-mails and he's been talking to Katie again."
"Oh my god!!"
"That bastard! Is he cheating on you?"
"Well no, I mean he said in the e-mail that he just wanted to be friends, but I'm going to talk to him about that tonight. Why the hell would he want to talk to another woman?"
"He put a ring on your finger. You should be the only woman in his life."
-----
"How many calories do you think is in one cheese coney? I really want lunch today."
(silence)
"I mean, I havent eaten breakfast and Im not going to eat dinner... so one cheese coney wouldnt hurt, right?"
"...thats up to you, but I don't know--- Katie is really thin."
"You're right; I'll eat tomorrow."
---
Ladies:

You are the problem. You are the reason that the womens rights movement has been so stalled. You are the reason that we make 75 cents on the dollar. You are the reason that we aren't taken seriously. STOP FULFILLING THESE STREOTYPES. STOP PLAYING THESE ROLES. I know that somewhere inside of you there is a brain and it is begging you to use it. Question the world around you. I promise theres more here than medical dramas. You're beautiful--stop starving yourself. Stop using your waist to measure your worth. Stop using other women's weight to measure theirs. 

Just fucking stop and really think about the life you're creating for yourself. Is this how you would want your daughter to live? Is this how you'd want your daughter to measure her success? I wrote a paper a few years back called "Marketing Inferiority" and it talked about how demeaning ads appear in women's magazines. The intended audience is women... so why are dehumanizing and objectifying advertisements effective? Why do we put up with this shit let alone perpetuate it?

Fuck all of you. I'm tired of blaming enculturation--I'm tired of making apologies for you. I'm just fucking tired of it all. At some point you have to take responsibility for your own actions. You're making victims of yourselves, and worse, you're doing your damndest to keep other women down there with you. Fight against the box, become something more. These images and gender roles are only as powerful as you make them.


Maggie, thank you for being you! Netta, thank you for being you! You are two of the smartest, most free-thinking people I know and are nearly the sole keepers of my hope for women. Jackie, thank you for being an empowered mother who isn't dominated by what society tells you to be. Gordon, thank you for basically being a woman, but without all the baggage.

I'm sorry guys. Eventually I will post when I'm not busy hating the world. Next entry: a love letter to Dr. Faustus.

I'm out,
-Missy

1. Answer the questions and type the answers into google image search
2. Post pictures from the FIRST results page

1. Your age at your next birthday

2. A place you'd like to travel

3. Your favorite place

4. Your favorite objects

5. Your favorite food

6. Your favorite animal(s)

7. Your favorite color

8. The town where you live

9. The town where you were born

10. The name of a past (or current) pet

11. The first name of a past love

12. Your best friend's nickname

13. Your screen name/nickname

14. Your first name

15. Your middle name

16. Your last name

17. A bad habit of yours

18. Your grandmother's name

19. Your first job

20. Your college major

I'm sorry I haven't been posting! I'm awful that way. Also, I am -no- good at keeping track of things. I was trying to sort through my daily art this morning, and could not remember when I did everything. I have been keeping up on it, but some of it is not entirely conventional or postable. Is anyone actually interesting in color theory blocks or pages filled with tool marks? Yeah, I didn't think so. ;P

I went to the aquarium yesterday with my amazing new nephew Eswin. The adoption was finalized a few weeks ago--hes four years old and from Guatemala. He is the smiliest, sweetest, more adorable boy ever! To make the afternoon even cooler, my niece Susan (shes 9, brilliant, and exceptional) was there as well. Xuan (my sister and mother of the aforementioned children) was obviously present, but shes not nearly as interesting as Susan and Eswin. ;) Anyway, I started a sea turtle, which is not finished, but Ill work more on it today.

Please accept the following impasto painting of a highlighter, scissors, game controller, and poker chips as an apology. ;P



All my love,
Elfie

So some scanning finally happened! After Maggie's beautiful inkings (Becca, I havent gotten to look through your stuff yet, but Im sure its amazing as well) I almost hate to post mine. ;P I've been... subpar lately, but hopefully the daily sketching will help that!

I like beginnings! Beginnings are fun and promising! Its middles and ends that always get so tangled.

So, Gordon invited me into an artist pact. I am -awful- about keeping up on my art, so this is probably an excellent idea. Thanks Gordie! I will buy you horchata and give you nose kisses! I could have done the sensible thing and just create a filter on my normal journal for said pact, but I didnt. *shifty eyes* It seemed far more entertaining to keep a separate journal and use it not just for the pact, but for my artistic life in general and the ramblings that come with it.

Soooo... down to business: